So Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoy every moment

So I haven't posted in a while. Needless to say life has been busy and I haven't really had time to sit down and get my thoughts out.

5 months tomorrow? It's so hard to believe that tomorrow our little girl will be 5 months old. Somehow 4 months old still seems so young and small but 5 months.. well that's almost a half year! Every Momma i have talked to always says "It goes by fast, enjoy every moment". I think i understand it now... it seems so surreal that 5 months have gone by and I feel like i haven't cherished each day like i should have.

This realization hit me about a week ago; (which was perfect timing considering we started teething hardcore this week which has caused many sleepless nights in a row.) I took a moment and really looked at my daughter while she was nursing herself into a nap and i couldn't believe that this child latched on to me was my own. She has grown and changed so much that its hard to recognize her as the small wrinkled little baby we brought home. I really haven't been enjoying the parenting journey like i "should" be; i have been distracted and so concerned with everyone else in Mia's life that I wasn't really enjoying the bond between us. This realization made me a much more patient and doting mother. The patience that i have had this week with her being up all night every night has amazed me; of course i have had my moments of "Oh Come On!" and "WTF" but anyone running on no sleep would.

Up until this week Mia has been sleeping from roughly 8:15/8:30 until 5:00/5:30.. amazing right? I was really enjoying getting 7 hours of sleep every night. "Just when you get one thing figured out, they switch it up on you"

Our nursing relationship has definitely morphed into something I treasure; Not only is it a time where i am forced to sit down and relax with her but it is something only I can do for her. Nothing else comforts or nourishes her like i can, it's Our moment. I hope to keep this part of our relationship going for as long as she wants it. Regardless of how many people think its "weird" or "gross" when she grows into a walker and a talker... with teeth.

It amazes me to see the world through her little eyes, everything is new and fascinating which makes me want to take her out into the world and show her new things- teach her. Watch the amazement and wonder on her perfect little face. I think that i finally settled in to Mommy hood in the last month; i actually enjoy jumping up in the morning as soon as i hear her talking to her Giraffe blanket through the monitor. Nothing in the world could feel better than seeing the giant grin that stretches across her face when she sees me come in to get her, and the tight hug from the little arms that wrap around my neck. God, I love my daughter.

Happy 5 Month Birthday Little Love.

Big Girl Bed

Last night was a major milestone for the Daby family. Mia slept in her crib all by herself like a big girl.

I knew it was time because in the middle of the night when she would stretch out in her bassinet her arms and legs would bash against the sides and wake her up... She's just so big even at 3 months that she outgrew it.

For me it was awful in the beginning, she fell asleep while nursing right after her bath (which she never does) so i put her in her crib, turned on the monitor and closed the door. I went and checked on her putting my hand on her chest every hour to make sure that the little nugget was still breathing and doing alright on her own.. which of course she was.

After 45 minutes she woke up (45 minutes of me carrying the monitor around with me and staring at it to make sure the "batteries didn't die"). Her Daddy went and got her and they played together for about an hour. Then she was hungry again so I nursed her and she fell back asleep.

Back into her big girl bed. about 10 pm

I checked on her at 11, 12 1:30 and she finally started crying about 3:45 because she was hungry. I fed her, and then went back into her room to get her prepped for a new diaper (note: it wasn't really in need of changing, i just wanted to make sure she was super dry before snuggling her up in bed with us for the rest of the night)

well those frikken outlet plugs that prevent children from sticking forks in the outlets are a pain in the ass to get out.. even for me. So i had to put her back in her crib so that i could get the outlet thing out, plug in her lamp (Why in the hell do we even have them in now? its not like shes going to climb out of her crib, grab something metal and jam it in the outlet in the middle of the night) then change her on her actual changing table.

I accomplished plugging in the lamp, turned it on then went to get her to change her and she was..

sound asleep again.

This moment was so bittersweet for me. There she was all sprawled out happy and sleeping. I realized then that she was going to be just fine in there on her own; and this was the first of many moments where even though it will be bittersweet I need to take a step back and watch her grow and blossom on her own.

The first 8 weeks

I believe that the first 8 weeks with baby are the hardest, funniest, most incredible weeks of your life. I also believe it defines who you will be as parents.



I must admit that I didn't have that instant bond with Mia. It wasn't a instant "Oh my that's my baby!" moment... it took me about 3 weeks before i had that holy shit realization. It's hard because they don't tell you about how for some Mothers it doesn't just happen right away so I felt like an awful person and Mother. Like I wasn't ever going to bond and connect with this little person that i carried and grew for 9 months. I was mad that i had to keep getting up when i was exhausted, mad that she wasn't latching right, mad that i wasn't enjoying my new role as Mom.



Now let me clarify that I was not mad at her. I was mad that I had gone through all I had and didn't instantly feel like a Mom.



To make matters worse breastfeeding did not work for us. We had to give her formula because she couldn't latch right, was destroying my nipples and getting us both frustrated and her hungry. We rented a pump so that she was still getting breast milk but we were exclusively bottle feeding.



So Brent stayed with us for 3 whole weeks (His mom came the first weekend home to help take some pressure off too!). Mia had peed all over both of us by week 2 but she actually pooped all down his leg. I didn't get that royal treatment until week 5 when she pooped at me like a shotgun when i was wiping her during a diaper change.

He had to go back to work on the 21st and I was nervous about being left completely alone with her; I still hadn't had that "A-HA" moment and we were going to be all alone. No breaks, no time by myself, no chance to rest and just worry about recovering. Monday was tough. We got through it just fine and by the time Brent got home i felt accomplished; Both Mia and i survived and she was relatively happy and content.



Tuesday was better, I was actually beginning to enjoy taking care of her myself.



Wednesday was the day. It was morning before Brent left for work and she was screaming for a bottle; being completely impatient and making me crazy. Brent went to make a bottle and wasn't moving fast enough for her so i just stuck her face to the boob and



Holy shit, she latched. She not only latched but she was content and eating.



Brent left and she finished her breakfast, burped and started dozing in my arms as i walked back and forth from the kitchen to the living room. It was about the 3rd lap when i looked down at her to see her gazing back up at me sleepily... and it hit me like a ton of bricks.



I was completely 100% head over heels in love with this tiny 3 week old baby girl. She was my daughter, my baby. The love of my life.



Since then things have been smoother. We get to go to Moms group on Tuesdays and Fridays to visit with the other moms and babies; which she loves. We have been able to visit Brent for lunch a couple of times and have been combo breast/bottle feeding like champs.


She will be 2 months old on Friday and it amazes me how shes grown. 4 pounds and about an inch it seems. She's a happy, smiling, chatty little drama queen who fits the Gemini profile. Loves to be out and about and gets bored very easily. Bath time is like a relaxing trip to the spa or water park. She sleeps in her bassinet for part of the night and in the crook of my arm in bed the other part of the night, I don't blame her... our bed is much more comfortable.

9 months

So i heard all these horror stories in the beginning; heard how bad morning sickness is and how it is 9 months of pure hell to be pregnant. Well i was lucky. No morning sickness, it was pleasant to be pregnant.

I started "showing" pretty early and got cravings pretty much right away... kit kats. Kit Kat everything, bags of them ( thank god it was Halloween time!) kit kat ice cream, Kit kats on cookies, Kit kats for breakfast lunch and dinner. Hell maybe the "showing" was the 10 pounds of chocolate i scarfed down in the first 2 months.

I went bananas right from the start. Researching cribs and strollers and car seats and room themes and clothes. I was consumed with all things baby. All things baby girl.. because i knew when that plastic stick had a plus sign.. i was going to have a Gemini daughter. A mini me. (I did not however expect to actually pop out a mini Brent)

So i spent months shopping, browsing and learning all things baby so that i would be totally prepared for her when she arrived. We took the natural childbirth class so that we could have the perfect all natural drug free invasive free peaceful birth experience. mmhm.

That all went down the shitter as soon as i heard the words "Glucose tolerance test". Of course i failed the 1 hour so i had to do the 3 hour too which was just a massive pain in the ass. 3 hours of blood draws every hour after starving then chugging pure sugar is great for your mood and mental stability at 7 months pregnant. Oh yeah, and on top of that i get this uber rare thing called "PUPPS" a pregnancy rash that they can and will do nothing for; so you itch like your being attacked by a million mosquito's all while you can't sleep anyway since as soon as you lay down to sleep you gotta get up to pee before your bladder explodes only to sit on the toilet and have a half assed trickle drip out. Great, thanks kid.

So i ended up with gestational diabetes.. on insulin every night. Which caused me to have to switch from the awesome midwives i was seeing over to a doctor that is a lot like pee wee herman. Yeah, that strange and annoying. and he looks like him too.

At this point in the pregnancy all i wanted was spicy brown mustard. ON EVERYTHING. Meatball subs, cheese sandwiches, as a dip, on hot dogs (What?! i ate HOT DOGS?) yeah did i mention the awesome diabetes diet? eat every 3 hours, no carbs, poke your finger when you get up and 2 hours after every meal? Pee in a teeny cup in the middle of the night to dip a teeny strip then flick on the light to match up the color on the strip to the bottle of strips. Who needs to sleep? not a pregnant woman nah. Yeah, this is where pregnancy wasn't much fun. In fact it was a downright pain in the ass.

So finally after going to the hospital twice in false labor week 38 comes and Dr. Herman decides "Hey we are gonna induce you the day before your due date!"
Great awesome, get this kid outta me.

He goes on to explain that i will arrive at the hospital at 7 am on May 28th, a friday. He states that they will start pitocin around 8 and he expects us to meet our little angel around 2pm. Sounds like the perfect friday to me!

Too bad nobody told me Pee wee herman isn't just creepy, but untrustworthy and full of shit.

We got there at 7, we were indeed hooked up to pitocin around 8/8:30 but nobody informed us that sometimes.. pitocin just doesn't work. Seriously? So all day i'm stuck sitting in a hospital bed staring at the tv and watching the clock. I see 2pm come and go only to hear that they may just send us home and have us come back to try it again in a couple days. Are you freakin kidding?

No.

Well after a fuss they decide that maybe we could try Cytotec the next day.. the cervical dilation pill. Okay awesome that's gotta work right?

Wrong.

They put in a pill the next morning, your in bed for 2 hours.. walk for a hour come back and repeat. 3 times. Long day.

By this point we went through the rotation of doctors and nurses.. "Hey no baby yet?! your still here?" Yeah smartass im still sitting in a bed waiting for my daughter to arrive after Herman told me she would have been here a day and a half ago.

It was that point they said the dreaded words - C Section.

Fine.

At that point we wanted nothing more than to have her out, born, to meet the nugget that kicked, rolled and boogied around in me for months on end. We went out to have dinner together and call everyone to let them know that we were having a C Section at 8 am the next morning, May 30th. As soon as Brent hung up from the last phone call.. I started getting contractions.

Typical Gemini baby girl... wait until you can fuck everything up.. then take action.

At this point i am utterly exhausted. I haven't slept well in over 9 months, i'm in a hospital and have been on an emotional rollercoaster. They offer me ambien. I decline and get walking up and down the halls for 2 hours while my super supportive husband....

sleeps.

No shit. He slept while i walked the halls. Those childbirth classes where they teach the dad to be how to massage, support and comfort the mom in labor were TOTALLY worth the 200 bucks.

So after 2 hours i give in an say hey, yeah give me the ambien, ill sleep through these awesome contractions.

Not. Now i am exhausted, loopy and in pain. EPIDURAL.

I wanted that epidural so bad i would have done it myself if i could have, I just wanted to sleep. I would rest, get up and have myself a nugget. They made Brent leave the room for this.. i guess that's normal so that the husband doesn't pass out and crack their skull while some guy pokes a giant needle into his wifes spine. They told him they would go get him after they were done.

They forgot. I passed out after the needle doc stabbed me 5 times trying to get the thing in the right spot therefore i was unconcerned about my husbands whereabouts... after all it WAS my turn to sleep and not pay attention. (Brent ended up sleeping on a table out in the waiting room... told you he could sleep no matter what)

Well all this finished up around 230/3 am on May 30th.

8 am all hell broke loose.

I woke up pushing. yes, woke up from a dead sleep pushing. I looked over my shoulder to see that my husband had indeed made it back into our room and screamed at him that i was pushing and to get the doctor.

He didn't wake up.

Eventually i found the call button and screamed into the intercom that i was pushing and someone better hurry up and catch.

Brent woke up after the nurses came rushing into the room and started moving stuff around so that they could check me... i was 8cm and pushing out my bag of water. So the good old doc (not Pee-wee) Delgado broke my water and then began to saunter out of the room... to my dispair. I was indeed pushing again and this time it was not a bag of water but a watermelon.

I was instantly at 10cm and everything changed. I was coached to push push push as hard as i could. I was on my hands and knees, on my side, on my back push push pushing as hard as i could. Not gonna lie here.. it was work; and since the epidural wore off on my right side it hurt too.

At this point there were a lot of people in the room. After pushing for a while (watching wth a mirror) it got to about 10:45 am and the nurse shift change is at 11. Thus, the nurses that had the morning shift were getting ready to leave and the next batch were coming in... my room had everyone in it that had taken care of us since friday morning. It was glorious.

In the begining i had said that i didn't want a lot of people there. Just me Brent and the doc an nurses we needed, but after being there for 2 days these nurses became our friends and people that were a part of our experience. A part of our daughters entrance into the world.

So at 10:52 am after one last super push (a nurse by my head told me to "Get Mad!") out popped Mia Mcnugget at 8 pounds 6 ounces and 21 inches long. She had a mohawk and a puss on her face but was amazing.

The first words out of my husbands mouth were "Oh My God she looks JUST like me".

Thanks hun, I love the encouragement of "Hun you're amazing! you did it!"

Irregardless I felt on top of the world.

The Begining

So... it starts. September 20th, 2009. It was a Sunday. The day before i was sure that it hadn't happened..again. those 3 months of trying were ridiculous, the waiting the hoping then the serious disappointment to not see a plus sign on that stupid little pee stick.

It was the first time I didn't have tests already in the bathroom waiting for that first day of the "5 Days before your missed period"; we went and got 1.. just one, on the 19th so that I could take it on the morning of the 20th. ( The first day of the 5 days before).

So of course i wake up at the ungodly hour of 7 am to run into the bathroom and hope that i actually pee on the teeny little strip instead of all over my damn hand again... and then the eyes closed countdown of 60 seconds 3 times before you can look at the plastic stick to see if there is anything there.

And by God... there was a plus sign! So of course i cannot contain myself and let my exhausted husband sleep.. i have to run back to our bedroom and wave the little contraption that i just pissed on right in his face to show him that YES INDEED we were going to pop out a peanut in 9 months!

That was when it started... the realization that my darling husband could sleep no matter what and i would never again get a solid 8 hours. At least for another 18 years.